When It’s Time to Hextie the Ex-Bestie

May the bridges you burn light the way… straight into her nightmares.

Witch, Protect Thyself: The Art of Defensive Magick

Before we dive elbow-deep into the cauldron of revenge spells and karmic whiplash, let’s talk protection, not the latex kind (though that’s good advice too), but magical insulation. You don’t want to curse your ex-bestie only to find your favorite lash serum stops working and your dog suddenly starts barking at shadows. No, darling. We’re doing this the Belladonna way: with a salt circle in one hand and receipts in the other.

✦ Essential Shielding Techniques:

 

1. Salt, Salt, Baby

Sprinkle sea salt around your home’s threshold and windowsills like you’re seasoning a betrayal-free life. Salt repels negativity and nosy spiritual energy alike.

2. The Mirror Spell of Reversal

Place a small mirror (backed with black cloth when not in use) facing outward from your front door. This reflects any malevolent intentions back to sender, like a spiritual return-to-sender label with attitude.

3. Black Tourmaline + Obsidian = BFFs

Keep them on your altar, in your bra, or in your ex-bestie’s general direction. These bad boys absorb and neutralize nasty energy like a metaphysical Roomba.

4. Spiritual Hygiene 101

Smoke cleanse with mugwort or rosemary after any spellwork. Follow it up with a bath of Epsom salt, lemon slices, and rose petals. Think of it as a detox for your aura, she’s seen things.

5. The Ward of Words

Say this aloud before starting any spell:

 

“By moon and flame, by bone and blade,

I cast no harm to me be made.

This work is sealed in truth and might,

Return all wrong to source by night.”

Burn Book Realness: 10 Savage Spells for the Ex-Bestie Who Betrayed the Baddest Witch

 

Spell #1. The Friendship Funeral Jar

Purpose: End emotional ties and energetically bury her memory.

Take a photo of the two of you, cut her out, and write her name three times on the back, crossing it out with red ink. Stuff it into a black jar with graveyard dirt, black salt, and a black candle stub. Seal it with wax and bury it somewhere inconvenient (like under a cactus or near a dead wasp nest). She’ll feel the weight of the friendship she killed.

 

Spell #2. The B*tch Mirror Binding

Purpose: Make her face her own toxicity, daily.

Take a compact mirror, write her name backward on a slip of paper, and glue it to the reflective side. Wrap it in black ribbon, binding it tightly while saying:

 

“Let her lies reflect, her venom project,

Bound to her mirror, truth resurrect.”

 

Stash it somewhere dark and rarely disturbed (a shoebox under your tax documents works). Every time she stares into a mirror, her mask cracks a little more.

 

Spell #3. Tongue-Tied Trickster Spell

Purpose: Shut her gossip down like a bad reality show.

On a piece of raw meat (a chicken tongue if you can get it, if not, thick bologna with intent), write her name. Fold it three times and tie it with black thread, chanting:

 

“Speak no more of venom and lies,

Let silence be your swift demise.”

 

Freeze it in a block of ice with a sprinkle of cayenne. She’ll suddenly find herself tongue-tied, tripping over her own drama.

 

Spell #4. The Candle of Consequences

Purpose: Let her feel the emotional whiplash she caused.

Carve her name into a black candle, anoint it with used bathwater and a few tears you saved (yes, really). Burn it during the waning moon while visualizing her watching her own life unravel.

Extra juice? Whisper the worst thing she did to you into the flame. Then smile.

 

Spell #5. The Social Hexagram

Purpose: Unmask her to her social circle.

Create a paper sigil representing betrayal, then fold it into the shape of a star. On each point, write the initials of people she manipulates.

Burn it with bay leaves and whisper:

 

“See her for what she truly is.”

**This works disturbingly well on performative ‘spiritual gangsters’ and two-faced ‘healers.’**

Spell #6. The Obsession Reversal

Purpose: Redirect her stalking energy right back at herself.

If she’s lurking your socials (and you know she is), write her handle on a slip of paper, rub it on your phone screen while her profile is open, then wrap it in foil. Place it under a mirror for seven nights. She’ll spiral into her own ego loop, and finally unfollow herself in real life.

 

Spell #7. The Inflamed Ego Curse

Purpose: Let her insecurities consume her.

Take a red candle, pepper, and a printed screenshot of one of her thirst traps. Carve the candle with the word “envy,” place the photo beneath it, and burn while saying:

 

“Let the thirst turn to fire,

Self-image consumed by false desire.”

 

It’s not body shaming, it’s soul shaming. Big difference.

 

Spell #8. The Rotten Apple Ritual

Purpose: Rot her intentions at the root.

Carve her name into an apple. Fill it with black salt, poppy seeds, and chili flakes. Wrap it in a cloth and leave it to rot in a mason jar. As it decays, so will her fake friendships, petty lies, and moon-circle clout.

 

Spell #9. The Crossroads Curse

Purpose: Send her into permanent decision paralysis.

At midnight, go to a crossroads with a coin engraved or marked with her initials. Toss it and say:

 

“Wherever she turns, may doubt consume,

Let every door lead her to doom.”

 

This is old-school voodoo meets Mean Girls. Walk away without looking back. Ever.

Spell #10. The “I Forgive You” Final Hex

Purpose: The most brutal punishment of all: your peace.

Write a fake apology letter “from her” to you. Include every detail she’d never say. Then burn it under a full moon while laughing. As the ashes rise, whisper:

 

“I release this weight and end your reign,

You’ve lost your grip, you’ll never gain.”

 

Then moisturize. Because the true curse is thriving without her.

Aftercare, Best Served Cold

You did it, enchantress. You summoned the smoke and danced with shadows. Now pour yourself a drink and rewatch Jennifer’s Body. You don’t have to check her page to see if her life’s unraveling. You’ll feel it.

Final Words of Wisdom:

• Always curse responsibly.
• Never curse twice. Do it once and do it right.
• Remember: the point isn’t just to watch her fall. It’s knowing you’re the one who pushed her off her pedestal with impeccable eyeliner and protected energy.

 BONUS: Spell Ingredient Checklist

• Sea salt
• Black candle
• Red candle
• Black ribbon
• Black salt
• Obsidian
• Chicken tongue (or meat with intent)
• Apple
• Paper, pen, scissors, mirrors
• Graveyard dirt (optional but juicy)
• Bay leaves, poppy seeds, chili, cayenne
• Your own tears (yes, bitch, we go deep)